Charlotte’s father’s cancer starts resisting the chemotherapy he gets to cure his colon cancer and secondary liver cancer. In here comment at More news from Trish – metastatic liver cancer survivor, she aks:
What do you say to man who is going to die?
How would you answer that question? Please leave a comment.
When father diagnosed with metastatic liver cancer we were shocked but upbeat and kept talking about finding a cure.
But when after a few days of more tests, biopsy and scans the oncologist said that chemotherapy would most likely kill my father, we just became all very silent. Exactly, what do you say now?
We never found the right words to put father’s mood back to where it was. All we did was managing to put a smile on his face once in a while by doing the things he loved to do (with us).
Maybe the inspiration can be found in the last words father said to mother a few hours when he died:
When I have to do it all over again,
I will do it again with you.
Charlotte’s metastatic liver cancer story
I have just got back from the hospital with my dad. He was diagnosed with bowel and secondary liver cancer some time ago.
Now, after 12 months of intensive chemotherapy and an operation to remove his tumor in his bowel, we have learned today that the liver has not responded to treatment.
More chemotherapy has been offered and without it survival rate is less than twelve months.
More cancer cells have appeared since the operation and the chemo, so we are obviously devastated to hear in theory this is the end of the road.
Seeing my dad turn yellow and in pain is terrible, and no words can comfort him, what do you say to man who is going to die!
Nicole,
Your Dad is entering the final stages of his life. The confusion, the swelling, the low blood pressure, etc. Google “End of Life Stages” and there is great information there. Talk to him about him dieying. Tell him that he completed everything he has to do here. Tell him he was the best father in the world. Be there every single day. Don’t let one day go bye. It’s only a matter of short time. All of the issues your father is having are the normal process of a body letting go and shutting down. One system at a time. My father passed so quickly from this disease. Tell him everything loving you had not said up till now. My father the last couple of days of his life was responsive, but he could hear everything, so I just talked to him. He passed two months after his diagnosis of colon cancer one month after his failed surgery. May peace be with you.
Mag
My dad is in the end stage of metastatic colon cancer, and with him I just comfort him when hes confused, and when hes with it I treat him no different then before because he never wanted anyone to treat him different. And when I lost my Grandma to liver failure due to syrosis from high iron called hymacromatosis, and she was taken off life support, My sister, mom and aunt were allowed in with her. She hung on for quite awhile, so I took her hand and I told her how much we all loved her, and that were all going to walk her to heaven, and its okay to let go. Directly after she passed away.I think that in most cases they hang on for us not them and they need you to let them know that its okay and were gonna miss you but we’ll be okay.
I am going to say again to my brother that maybe the age old story is actually true–maybe there is a Heaven, that someone bigger than us made us all, and that just maybe our mother is waiting for him and he will be the first to see her in over 40 years. Just imagine if it’s really TRUE!
Its about all I can hang on to right now.
Dear Michele Arno,
We felt exactly how how you feel now…
Like it says in the song of James Blunt:
strong as you were, tender you go…
All our prayers and hugs.
Its so hard watching my dad . He has always been so strong now he has no fight left …I feel so lost …I wish I could take his pain away ..
I am not sure what you say to soemone who is dying, other that try to make their life as meaningful as you can for their last days. My father has stage 4 colon cancer that has moved into his lungs and liver, it has only been 9 months since his diagnosis. But I struggle everyday with that thought, how do you say good bye , but also keep on living. Mine is an especially hard situation since my parents live over 600 miles away from me. They have had 50 years together, which in retrospect is a good long life, but we all want to live forever, or want our parents to live forever. I know that God has a special place for my father, and that he will be OK . It is just getting there that is hard. Just remember to them that you love them as much as you can! Don’t leave anything on the table, so to speak, tell him how you feel, because I bet he is feeling the same thing.
This is a very moving story, Charlotte, and I wanted to offer my support as someone who’s been there too. My father was diagnosed with Stage IV esophageal cancer that had already spread to his liver at the time of diagnosis. I spent every possible minute with him during his final four months and it was a profound experience for both of us. I write about cancer for a blog called Caring-Currents on the Caring.com website (www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents) and wanted to let you know I’m going to link to this blog. Best of luck to you.
Melanie