Stage iv colon cancer actually means Lisa’s father is dying…
Please give all your hugs, love, experience and support to Lisa.
Stage iv colon cancer story summarized
Lisa’s father underwent chemotherapy for colon cancer. The colon cancer metastized to his liver and the doctors stopped administering the chemotherapy drug Erbitux.
Immediately the chemotherapy effects subsided and all looked well again at first.
Now reality struck again as the pain in his abdomen begins to worsen.
Read Lisa’s father’s complete colon cancer story below.
I need someone to help me with some words of advice.
Please leave a comment if you have advice for Lisa.
First and foremost Lisa says:
I am so scared as to what I’ve read online about
what lies ahead for my mother, brother and I.
I am sure our website doesn’t paint a pretty picture about metastatic liver cancer either. But you have to look at the whole picture: you father is leaving this planet and most likely soon after your baby will step down on this planet… Life is like it has always been: some people die and others get born…
Now that’s easier to say 2 years after my father died. But similar like in your life, father’s grandchild (the only one he never saw) was conceived when he was very sick (knowing the age and life situation of father’s children, that’s already a miracle on its own…).
So life goes on, you loose a loved one and another loved one comes back into your life.
Secondly:
Read our post: What do you say to man who is going to die .
Thirdly:
Once father was diagnosed with metastatic liver cancer, reality struck:
- that life is not endless
- that the end was now clearly in sight
- that the end won’t be as pretty as we had dreamt about.
We are a family "scattered" in different countries overseas, but each year we made it a point to go back home and wished we could do that more often.
Well, if you have a wish, make sure you work on it in stead of just saying " I wish " .
Of course at this moment of your life Lisa, I am sure the pain you feel is overwhelming, and the fear of what would come is even worse.
But what are you afraid of exactly?
Fear is something that makes us not going the path we are going. I mean: if a dog suddenly get’s afraid, he would most likely run, hoping never ever to face the same scary situation again.
And if this is the first loved one you know with cancer, you are now like the dog. But the difference is: you have no place to run nor to hide: it’s your father and you have to get through it.
At last: anger!
Know that anger is an emotion that will show up due to the whole situation. Make sure you know it and tell others that once you get angry "for no apparent reason", it’s because your father has metastatic liver cancer.
Look for people who experienced cancer already
Others have little or no clue what happens when you or your loved one has cancer…
Vice versa: suddenly people that have experienced cancer will approach you and speak out.
I did notice that my older brother who already lost his mother in law seemed to have a much "easier" way in dealing with the entire situation.
For me it was the first time I had heard of metastatic liver cancer. I spend nights surfing the Internet doing cancer research about colon cleansing and liver cleansing, new cancer treatments… where my brother already told me: no need to do all that, we need to work on "quality of life".
Needless to say I then spend even more time on the Internet trying to define what "quality of life" really meant.
Quality of life
Finally I and my mother defined "quality of life" for father as follows:
- being around
- ideally no pain
- live life as usual, doing the things we loved doing
So far for having an ideal, and then we ‘just’ needed to "make it work".
I read Lisa that every second of every day you want to be with your dad but can’t.
This is actually the hardest reality of all…
You just cannot spend 24h next to your father like you would love. Or so it seems…
This is a choice you have to make. And it doesn’t have to be 24/24…
Living 10.000 miles away from my father, my boss didn’t grant me an absence of leave (some countries do have understanding laws - being able to take leave in order to take care of dying family members - , my country hasn’t such laws…).
- Since I have no small kids
- not all our income depends on my job,
- time was no more a luxury but a highly precious commodity
I quit my job and took a plane home.
We went through some tough times financially, but in the end, these are all material things and we solved them.
In my opinion, nothing beats the toughness father and mother went through and I am happy I could help them like they helped me the first so many years of my life.
Blessings in disguise
Good things come to those who do good…
Some blessings in disguise showed up after father died like:
- I am now doing a job I love even more than before
- I am aware about cancer more than ever.
- I am aware about health much more than before. I do believe that polluted air and food with pesticides weakens your body, hence make it easier for any cancer to take over.
I do admit: the price we had to pay to learn these simple facts of life was way too high.
But in the end, you need to try to find the good inside the bad in order to keep sane…
How to care for a metastatic liver cancer patient
Practically you need to know your strength, possibilities and weaknesses. Mom "forgot" she only has one good arm and she overused it in helping carrying father around that she torn her ligament almost completely.
You have to find a balance in what you can do, knowing that you can do more than you think but also knowing that you have limits.
Most important:
you need to find people to help you!
- go to your health insurance and ask what they can do for you (hubby had some very aggressive arguments with the social workers of the health insurance, so be prepared to be assertive)
- ask all your friends and family to help a hand and be specific in what that "help" can be:
- it’s great to have somebody sleep-over for one night so you can have a ‘peaceful’ sleep for a change
- if somebody does the shopping for you, you have more time to spend with your father
- if somebody makes a huge pot of healthy soup, bring it over, share and eat together
- if somebody has bigger feet than your father, ask a pair of their slippers, as father’s feet will most likely swell
- look on the Internet for people that have been there and done that, like here. Sharing experiences does help a lot in coping or focusing, because you only get one chance here and you were all but prepared for it
- ask professional help and insist it’s "now or never": no point to be on a waiting list. In our case we found:
- 2 visits a day from health care nurses to help with anything that normally would be done by a nurse in hospital. Washing father was surely part of it in the later stage of his metastatic liver cancer.
- palliative care providing telephonic help when you call them (looks like little help, but it’s better than nothing and they did drop by twice: emotional support is priceless)
- GP comes by every week and at any time of the day or night when you call him. Since father was under palliative care, the GP visits were all covered by the health insurance
- "family helper" : 2 times a week 4 hours a day helping out in any work that needs to be done in and around the house and taking care of the people in the family
In an ideal world: you should have one person that’s 24h available for father and this person doesn’t have to do anything else than that.
Lisa, please leave a comment and say what you feel like saying: there is no censorship here, just that we can be late in answering.
Commented at: One caregiver is never enough! Patrick’s father has metastatic liver cancer
My Dearest Friends,
I am going through the same as you with my father. We have been fighting the cancer for a little over two years now.
It was first discovered in his colon and then popped up in his liver.
They stopped him with his Erbitux Chemo’s over 5 months ago and since then he’s had more energy and has seemed healthy and happy and we were able to “pretend” that everything was going to be ok but still knowing in the back of our minds what was going to happen.
I feel as though the beginning of the end has started to happen. He’s having severe pain in his right abdomen area and is not eating as much. I am currently 6 1/2 months pregnant and am trying to be so strong for the health of my baby but am finding it to me more and more difficult as his health depreciates.
I am so scared as to what I’ve read online about what lies ahead for my mother, brother and I.
I want him to be ok again. It’s so unfair that we know what is happening to him that he is dying.
I’m trying to continue living my life, I have a 3 yr old, pregnant, work a full time job, have a husband and now every second of every day want to be with my dad but can’t.
I need someone to help me with some words of advice. Thank you.
Technorati Tags: Anger, Colon Cancer, erbitux, fear, hospice, life, Metastatic Liver Cancer, Palliative care, quality of life, stage iv colon cancer
