Stage iv colon cancer actually means Lisa’s father is dying…
Please give all your hugs, love, experience and support to Lisa.
Stage iv colon cancer story summarized
Lisa’s father underwent chemotherapy for colon cancer. The colon cancer metastized to his liver and the doctors stopped administering the chemotherapy drug Erbitux.
Immediately the chemotherapy effects subsided and all looked well again at first.
Now reality struck again as the pain in his abdomen begins to worsen.
Read Lisa’s father’s complete colon cancer story below.
I need someone to help me with some words of advice.
Please leave a comment if you have advice for Lisa.
First and foremost Lisa says:
I am so scared as to what I’ve read online about
what lies ahead for my mother, brother and I.
I am sure our website doesn’t paint a pretty picture about metastatic liver cancer either. But you have to look at the whole picture: you father is leaving this planet and most likely soon after your baby will step down on this planet… Life is like it has always been: some people die and others get born…
Now that’s easier to say 2 years after my father died. But similar like in your life, father’s grandchild (the only one he never saw) was conceived when he was very sick (knowing the age and life situation of father’s children, that’s already a miracle on its own…).
So life goes on, you loose a loved one and another loved one comes back into your life.
Secondly:
Read our post: What do you say to man who is going to die .
Thirdly:
Once father was diagnosed with metastatic liver cancer, reality struck:
- that life is not endless
- that the end was now clearly in sight
- that the end won’t be as pretty as we had dreamt about.
We are a family "scattered" in different countries overseas, but each year we made it a point to go back home and wished we could do that more often.
Well, if you have a wish, make sure you work on it in stead of just saying " I wish " .
Of course at this moment of your life Lisa, I am sure the pain you feel is overwhelming, and the fear of what would come is even worse.
But what are you afraid of exactly?
Fear is something that makes us not going the path we are going. I mean: if a dog suddenly get’s afraid, he would most likely run, hoping never ever to face the same scary situation again.
And if this is the first loved one you know with cancer, you are now like the dog. But the difference is: you have no place to run nor to hide: it’s your father and you have to get through it.
At last: anger!
Know that anger is an emotion that will show up due to the whole situation. Make sure you know it and tell others that once you get angry "for no apparent reason", it’s because your father has metastatic liver cancer.
Look for people who experienced cancer already
Others have little or no clue what happens when you or your loved one has cancer…
Vice versa: suddenly people that have experienced cancer will approach you and speak out.
I did notice that my older brother who already lost his mother in law seemed to have a much "easier" way in dealing with the entire situation.
For me it was the first time I had heard of metastatic liver cancer. I spend nights surfing the Internet doing cancer research about colon cleansing and liver cleansing, new cancer treatments… where my brother already told me: no need to do all that, we need to work on "quality of life".
Needless to say I then spend even more time on the Internet trying to define what "quality of life" really meant.
Quality of life
Finally I and my mother defined "quality of life" for father as follows:
- being around
- ideally no pain
- live life as usual, doing the things we loved doing
So far for having an ideal, and then we ‘just’ needed to "make it work".
I read Lisa that every second of every day you want to be with your dad but can’t.
This is actually the hardest reality of all…
You just cannot spend 24h next to your father like you would love. Or so it seems…
This is a choice you have to make. And it doesn’t have to be 24/24…
Living 10.000 miles away from my father, my boss didn’t grant me an absence of leave (some countries do have understanding laws – being able to take leave in order to take care of dying family members – , my country hasn’t such laws…).
- Since I have no small kids
- not all our income depends on my job,
- time was no more a luxury but a highly precious commodity
I quit my job and took a plane home.
We went through some tough times financially, but in the end, these are all material things and we solved them.
In my opinion, nothing beats the toughness father and mother went through and I am happy I could help them like they helped me the first so many years of my life.
Blessings in disguise
Good things come to those who do good…
Some blessings in disguise showed up after father died like:
- I am now doing a job I love even more than before 🙂
- I am aware about cancer more than ever.
- I am aware about health much more than before. I do believe that polluted air and food with pesticides weakens your body, hence make it easier for any cancer to take over.
I do admit: the price we had to pay to learn these simple facts of life was way too high.
But in the end, you need to try to find the good inside the bad in order to keep sane…
How to care for a metastatic liver cancer patient
Practically you need to know your strength, possibilities and weaknesses. Mom "forgot" she only has one good arm and she overused it in helping carrying father around that she torn her ligament almost completely.
You have to find a balance in what you can do, knowing that you can do more than you think but also knowing that you have limits.
Most important:
you need to find people to help you!
- go to your health insurance and ask what they can do for you (hubby had some very aggressive arguments with the social workers of the health insurance, so be prepared to be assertive)
- ask all your friends and family to help a hand and be specific in what that "help" can be:
- it’s great to have somebody sleep-over for one night so you can have a ‘peaceful’ sleep for a change
- if somebody does the shopping for you, you have more time to spend with your father
- if somebody makes a huge pot of healthy soup, bring it over, share and eat together
- if somebody has bigger feet than your father, ask a pair of their slippers, as father’s feet will most likely swell
- look on the Internet for people that have been there and done that, like here. Sharing experiences does help a lot in coping or focusing, because you only get one chance here and you were all but prepared for it 🙁
- ask professional help and insist it’s "now or never": no point to be on a waiting list. In our case we found:
- 2 visits a day from health care nurses to help with anything that normally would be done by a nurse in hospital. Washing father was surely part of it in the later stage of his metastatic liver cancer.
- palliative care providing telephonic help when you call them (looks like little help, but it’s better than nothing and they did drop by twice: emotional support is priceless)
- GP comes by every week and at any time of the day or night when you call him. Since father was under palliative care, the GP visits were all covered by the health insurance
- "family helper" : 2 times a week 4 hours a day helping out in any work that needs to be done in and around the house and taking care of the people in the family
In an ideal world: you should have one person that’s 24h available for father and this person doesn’t have to do anything else than that.
Lisa, please leave a comment and say what you feel like saying: there is no censorship here, just that we can be late in answering.
Lisa’s colon cancer story
Commented at: One caregiver is never enough! Patrick’s father has metastatic liver cancer
My Dearest Friends,
I am going through the same as you with my father. We have been fighting the cancer for a little over two years now.
It was first discovered in his colon and then popped up in his liver.
They stopped him with his Erbitux Chemo’s over 5 months ago and since then he’s had more energy and has seemed healthy and happy and we were able to “pretend” that everything was going to be ok but still knowing in the back of our minds what was going to happen.
I feel as though the beginning of the end has started to happen. He’s having severe pain in his right abdomen area and is not eating as much. I am currently 6 1/2 months pregnant and am trying to be so strong for the health of my baby but am finding it to me more and more difficult as his health depreciates.
I am so scared as to what I’ve read online about what lies ahead for my mother, brother and I.
I want him to be ok again. It’s so unfair that we know what is happening to him that he is dying.
I’m trying to continue living my life, I have a 3 yr old, pregnant, work a full time job, have a husband and now every second of every day want to be with my dad but can’t.
I need someone to help me with some words of advice. Thank you.
Dear Aleem,
Your father’s doctor should help you out here. What exactly do you mean when you write ‘cant pass 4 hours with constipation’?
It could be ‘a good thing’ to know that stool still passes through a colon with a cancer: once the stool get’s obstructed by the cancer, the bowel could burst, and that’s not what you want.
Passing 17 times a day is quite the other extreem. More fiber, more food with healthy bacteria (yoghurt-bacteria) help with a normal diarrhea.
Does your father take painkillers? As painkillers have the side effect of causing constipation, hence working against diarrhea.
Main thing is the stools have to be monitored, to make sure stools keep passing the colon. However with too much diarrhea, you need to make sure your father doesn’t dehydrate, as dehydration already is a side effect of metastatic liver cancer in advanced stage.
Bottom line: too complicated to find the answer on the Internet: the stools need to be monitored daily and action needs to be taken accordingly daily.
Hope that helps a bit Aleem,
Hugs for you, your father and your family,
Kim
my father has matastatic colon ca , all the mets are in abdomen and some of them in the liver. docs did the colonoscopy recently and found the mass on his left side of colon. symptomatically he has severe abdominal pain and diarrhea. he passes even upto 17 times a day and cant pass 4 hours with constipation plus he feels gurgling sounds. he gets fever upto 38 every evening and it goes away on its own after like 10 hours. can somebody help me how can i regulate his bowel movements. he is not on any chemo right now though he has recieved all the standard protocol. thanks
Nicole,
Your Dad is entering the final stages of his life. The confusion, the swelling, the low blood pressure, etc. Google “End of Life Stages” and there is great information there. Talk to him about him dieying. Tell him that he completed everything he has to do here. Tell him he was the best father in the world. Be there every single day. Don’t let one day go bye. It’s only a matter of short time. All of the issues your father is having are the normal process of a body letting go and shutting down. One system at a time. My father passed so quickly from this disease. Tell him everything loving you had not said up till now. My father the last couple of days of his life was responsive, but he could hear everything, so I just talked to him. He passed two months after his diagnosis of colon cancer one month after his failed surgery. May peace be with you.
Mag
Sorry I was on the phone and hit the button. I have 3 little ones so thats why I’m waiting to go down. I’m just not sure whats gonna happen, I mean I know its getting bad but I’m not sure what to think. Lately I find myself having a hard time to talk to him. I think I’m preparing myself but it just sucks cause I’m loosin valuable time. And I just feel so bad because hes so scared and Idon’t know how to help him. Were trying to make everything normal 4 him cuz he doesn’twant anyone to fuss or be different….but at the same time if I make it normal I’d only see him once a week and right now even if we barley speak I want to be there. Thanks for being able to share and listen to me. Its nice to have someone whos able to relate to. I do have one question, how am I going to explain this to my children? Their only 3, 2, and 4 months. I mean I know my 4 month old won’t understand, but how can I tell my kids that their pap paps not here. My son Alex hes 3, hes so close to my dad and Its gonna just be so hard to explain it to him. Not to mention every time he asks me why he can’t go see him I’m crying,how can I tell him????????
Well, we finally got him to the hospital last Saturday when he was severly confussed. He got very angry when he came to because he says we tricked him. The docs said nothing in his liver seemed to have changed, but were really concerned about his rapid decline. So they ran alot of tests and just said he was severly dehydrated and malnourished so they let him out w/in home care after 4 days and tonight hes back down there. The nurse was concerned because his lood pressure was 96/52 and his one leg is alot more swollen then his other one. She said that could be a blood clot,and it took alot but we got him down there again. I’m at home and want to be with him but I’m waiting to see whats going on.
Hi Nicole,
My father was also confused when his liver wasn’t functioning full force anymore.
Any wish your father has, grant it if you guys can grant it.
Sorry for the delay in answering, please ask more questions as I am back behind my computer.
Hugs!
I guess I should of shared that he has had his liver resected, hes had radioactive glass beads, chemo almost the whole time,and every kind of chemo there is. Nothing has worked. Its back in his liver,and is in his lymphnodes, and his lungs.
My dad is now in the end stage of metastatic colon cancer. He has been battling this since 2002,the doctors gave him 6 monthes to 1 yr back in march of this year. Hes very jaundice, very weak, lost at least 50 lbs, and is now very confused. The hardest thing is that he insisted on going to las vegas with my mom one last time(this is when he started to get really confused),I’m very hopefull that he can make it home butI’m not sure he’ll be able to fly. Is this the end or do I have time left. My mom said the confusion comes and goes so its been hard for her to talk to me. I’m so scared. I guess she talked to the doctor and he said if he gets worse to take him to the hospital there, but he refuses and he wouldn’t come home early either.I thoght maybe he could go to the er and they could tap his stomach but my mom says the doctor said there’s no need I guess….My brother and sister and I have thought about going out but were not sure what to do, because there to come home friday the 14th at 5 pm…Can anyone out there give me advice or tell me the signs of whats next to come?
We summarized all we learned from doctors and our blog readers about Colon cancer treatment
Thanks Lisa and Hugs for Mag
I think the hardest thing I had to go through was knowing what the outcome was going to be for a year and half but having to be hopeful and positive at the same time for my father. We never talked about him passing and it wasn’t at all a subject we at all dwelled upon. It sounds as if your dad wants to take the more natural approach to cancer and there’s nothing wrong with that. Chemo is a harsh thing and although I know it extended my dads life I also know that it wasn’t the greatest quality of life due to some of the side effects. My prayers are with you and your dad…take care! Keep posting if you want to talk! I’m here for you!
Lisa,
Please accept my heart-felt condolences on the passing of your father. There is no doubt he knew his grandaughter came into the world. You are right, when you know a person is dying, you do the grieving before they pass. When they pass it is acceptance of the unevitable.
My father had surgery, but the could not remove the cancer it had metastisized to the small bowel, bladder and it is wrapping around his aorta. They could not remove it or it would have killed him right there. They did a bypass to make him comfortable, but he still has that cancerous colon in his body. The interesting thing is that the cancer mass has not jumped to his liver or lungs. The surgeon has given him a a prognosis of six months.
My father has told me he does not want chemo or radiation if that is a treatment option. He wants to go the homeopathic route. I found a intergrative medicine Oncologist (Dr. Isaccs) in NYC. I hope they can help my dad.
I’m being a realist. Even though I am hopeful, I’m not counting on it.
Hello Mag,
First of all I am very sorry to hear of what you are going through. It is very difficult and you can’t help but panic but please know that it is very important that you have strength for your father right now. What I always did was Panic to my husband or others and saved my strength for when I was around my dad.
Unfortunately I lost my dad on January 30th of this year. But this does not mean that the same will happen to your father. Cancer has a mind of its own. I am glad that you’ve come across this site because this “support group” on here helped me tremendously.
As for your dad’s surgery, he will be fine. It’s a common surgery and please know that they would not have the surgery if they didn’t think there was a good chance of eliminating the cancer in his colon.
I do want to take a moment to update everyone on here to let them know that I gave birth to my daughter on January 27th and my dad passed away on Jan 30th. Even though he was unresponsive I know in my heart that he was waiting for his second grandaughter to be born before he could pass on. I also know in my heart that he was able to see her. One thing that I found off was that when he had passed on I really did not grieve…I have now realized that I did most of my grieving while he was alive. I’m not sure if this was the wrong or right way to handle it but I guess all in all it was my way of handling it and I am happy that he no longer is suffering.
Thank you all for being there when I needed you and now it is my turn to be there for others.
Sincerely,
Lisa Myers
Lisa,
How is your dad now? My father has the exact same issue you are discribing. He too has colon cancer, and had surgery today. The cancer is in his abdomen. I’m in a panic.
@Patrick,
Thanks for sharing, our stories sounds so similar…
I share my grief after father’s passing away for about 2 years now in:
my dad is dead.
Hey Im sorry to hear about what your going through.. Its not easy I don’t really know what to say as the emotional stress and drain can be very overwhelming. It sounds like your dad is showing some very similar as to what my dad went through.. all Im gonna say is.. Just tell him you love him everytime you see him.. and hold him tight..
– you’ll be glad you did
my thoughts are with you..
Patrick.
My brother is dying soon, I think, after all the crap he has gone through to try to live.
He has recurring colon cancer with multiple liver and abdominal tumors.
I am mad and sad and so very sorry for him. He wanted to live for himself and for the rest of us, but now that his life is so diminished, I think he just wants to let go.
I don’t know how to tell him that its ok if he wants to just STOP.
I feel like part of me is dying.
@Lisa,
Don’t mention, you are most welcome!
I agree, it’s kind of funny when we need to ask Google what "quality of life" is. But when you hear all the doctors using the term, you would assume you are the only one not knowing what they are talking about…
Maybe you could ask the next person that tells you about "quality of life" what that means exactly.
We added our experience to your questions at Cancer treatment options
Thank you for taking the time out to respond to my post. I kind of laughed when you talked about surfing the internet on “Quality of Life” which is something I had googled a few weeks ago. I had never heard that term before. My father has not had abdominal pain in a couple of days. Which of course has helped me sit back and take a deep breath. He is becoming very week though. The abdominal pain seems to come and go. He says his stomach always has a gurgling sound and he has been burping alot??? Sound familiar to anyone? I haven’t really researched that one yet.
His eyes look kind of glossy & glazed. During his last appointment the doctor had said that he “had no more options” but had suggested that dad could possibly be a candidate at a research medschool about 2 1/2 hours away. The doctor was not sure if that was an option or not. He said that it was not a decision that was his to make. Has anyone else come across an alternative such as this?